I had it all figured out. To make a long story short I went to a school that did not work out. The academic level was unattainable for me. I have not completely figured out what lesson I was supposed to learn from this but I am certain it will come to the light sooner than later. I wish I could say I didn’t try at this program, but I did. Studying hours and hours a day but nothing would stick… to the point of feeling like I was not all there.
Maybe that’s why I felt like such a failure at first, crying and feeling like the world was ending. This has been an extremely expensive mistake. I will pay for this mistake for awhile financially. But here I am, here to tell you I’m okay with going off track. As cliche as it may sound everything happens for a reason. Everything will make sense in hindsight.
I’m back home, with my apartment in another state empty that I’m paying rent on still… sigh* I am soul searching. No bullshit. I feel like I am finding out who I am more and more everyday. I am finding things that set my soul on fire. I have time to research, and time to really think about my future and who I want to be.
I have a job interview tomorrow , it is not for my dream job, but it is a great job nonetheless. But let’s talk about my dream job. My dream job would be helping people every single day in some way. Being a light in a dark world is the goal of all goals. Being an energy healer with many talents is where I see myself. Cousiling people with weight issues is another since this issue hits home.
Everyday I rack my brain on how I can make a living out of my dream. Every decision I have made had led me to this place so I have to trust that. In this place I am getting to know myself. It is important, and I know this place was given to me for a reason.
I am off track.
I am so off track. I never planned this, and boy am I a planner. I make to do lists on a daily basis. I love things to go in order and in an neat fashion. But I am thankful, so thankful for my screwed up mess of a life. I feel like I am the happiest I have been in years.
Depression has eaten me alive the past few years. Soul consuming sadness, feelings I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Things get better and you will figure out who you are. It is okay for your path to be jagged and swirvy. It is okay to reroute. The only thing you can not do is cry over things that were never meant to be.
Be thankful for guidance and focus on your path. Create a head space where you are grateful everyday for every step of the process. Maybe part of this life is to enjoy the process, enjoy the work, and make mediocre situations meaningful.
Thank you for reading 💜jess